Melinda Burrell: Democrats and Republicans don't actually hate each other
About the writer: Melinda Burrell, holder of a doctorate in the field, offers training in the neuroscience of communication and conflict through the National Association for Community Mediation. She also writes mediation commentary syndicated through Portland-based PeaceVoice.
Rep. Kevin Crutchfield, Republican from North Carolina’s 83rd District, strides to the back of the legislative quarters. Four House pages, local high school students who help out at the Legislature, are seated there.
“What’s one thing you’ve learned in your first few days here?” he asks. A young lady immediately raises her hand, and says, “Democrats and Republicans don’t hate each other as much as the media makes us believe.”
Crutchfield agrees, saying, “We’re respectful of each other here. Friendly.”
Democratic colleague Caleb Rudow, of the 116th District, explains, “Bipartisanship, unless it’s really big, doesn’t get covered by the media. It almost always happens behind doors, because it’s about often fragile relationships.”
Rudow and Crutchfield have been organizing bipartisan social events to create camaraderie — happy hour gatherings, a workshop by Braver Angels on Red-Blue cooperation, a sing-along on the steps of the legislature.
Rudow talks about these efforts on the campaign trail. “Even in rooms of Democrats,” he says, they want to hear about bipartisanship, because we are all hungry for a way out of this mess.”
Crutchfield nods, saying, “I don’t always get approval from some of my constituents for talking with Democrats, but I say to them, ‘I’m not worried about the judgment of man, but the judgment of the Man above. So I’m going to do what’s right.’”
Crutchfield goes on to explain his motivation.
“You probably believe you know who I am. And I probably believe I know who you are. And we are probably both wrong! Let’s get together to know each other before working together.”
The two legislators offer advice for others trying to promote bipartisan cooperation. “Start small,” Rudow counsels. “No big agenda like a policy project. Music food, dogs, conversation.”
Crutchfield agrees.
“Make the conscious decision, ‘I’m not going to judge the person across the aisle without knowing them,’ he says. “If you don’t listen to what other people say, you will not grow. Don’t talk about policy, talk about life first, otherwise, it’s like starting a dating game with ‘How many kids are we going to have?’ “
Rudow advises, “Find allies willing to put in the work. It only works if both sides bring people to the table. That takes leadership.
“We often think that ‘bipartisan’ means we’ll fix everything and the other guy will take my side. We can be paralyzed by the big things that are broken. We need to start small, lower expectations, and just get started.”
If you’re as inspired by these two as I am, how can we help?
n Reach across the aisle ourselves in our neighborhoods or workplaces, using this duo’s advice to focus on personal ties before political issues.
n Publicly praise bipartisan efforts in our own legislatures or city councils.
n Urge our local papers to cover bipartisan work in addition to disagreement. And if you are reading this, your paper is doing a good job!
n Encourage your own legislators to invite Braver Angels, the National Association for Community Mediation or another de-polarizing group to lead workshops for them.
If we all do a bit of this, we might learn that Democrats and Republicans don’t hate each other as much as we think.
Comments