Jeb Bladine: Build local bench for Forrest Gump

We may gain control of COVID-19, but we still must confront STUPID-21. For those paying attention, our news pages are rife with reports of the symptoms. Here are three examples.

Whatchamacolumn

Jeb Bladine is president and publisher of the News-Register.

> See his column

In January, Roseburg became the latest West Coast city to believe it will benefit from development of a sprawling international equestrian center. Yamhill County long ago learned the real story, easily found in our online archives.

This week, inexplicably, a McMinnville city councilor declared our community anti-business for failing to become the site of that pipe dream. Almost as puzzling, city officials took the bait to launch what now is a public source of angst involving the city and Chamber of Commerce.

By the way, for those keeping related scores, Evergreen Air Museum still is open.

No. 2: The U.S. Department of Justice says more than 400 people could be charged related to the Jan. 6 rioting at the U.S. Capitol. As Wiki reports, “Federal officials estimate that about 10,000 rioters entered the Capitol grounds, and more than 800 breached the building.”

Many will go to real prison, but hundreds more should be sentenced to at least a short stay in Stupid Prison. Imagine assaulting the U.S. Capitol in a frenzied throng with so many raised arms taking photos and videos of everyone in sight.

Forrest Gump would have said — altogether now — “Stupid is as stupid does.”

No. 3, but far from least: President Joe Biden believes we should ban weapons like the Ruger AR-556 that Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa reportedly purchased six days before using it to murder 10 people in Boulder.

Yamhill County commissioners have voted to stop local enforcement of any future state or federal laws regulating sales of those assault weapons in Yamhill County, which gives me a great idea.

Instead of their other plan to sell off the Westsider Trail, commissioners could convert it into the world’s longest shooting range and invite patriots from around the land to visit our assault weapon sanctuary. If that means sacrificing a few stray bikers and hikers, it’s a small price to pay for our freedom from the tyranny of those who destroy our status as the world’s most insane gun nation.

The new QuestRider Trail could resound with those famous words from a chaplain aboard the U.S. New Orleans during the Japanese attack at Pearl Harbor: “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.”

Stupid? Sure, but sometimes — one last hackneyed phrase — laughter is the best medicine.

Jeb Bladine can be reached at jbladine@newsregister.com or 503-687-1223.